Thursday 18 August 2011

After you!

Last week, I was driving on a country road well after the sun had set, when I came to a one lane bridge.  I could see a set of headlights approaching from the opposite direction, so in the interest of safety, and common courtesy, I flashed my lights, signalling to the other driver an invitation for him to cross the bridge first.
Usually in instances such as this one, it would be expected of the other driver to gesture to me with a friendly wave of thanks as he passed, to indicate his gratitude for allowing him to cross the bridge ahead of me. However, given that this incident happened after sunset, it was not possible for me to see inside of the cockpit of his automobile, and therefore impossible for me to discern whether or not the other driver had attempted a gesture of gratitude. Interestingly, some of the first thoughts that ran through my head as I continued driving were along the lines of, why did I let him go first if I couldn’t even enjoy the satisfaction of receiving a wave of thanks?
In the grand scheme of things, it probably would have made very little difference if I hadn’t been so kind, and opted to cross the bridge ahead of the other driver. However, the question comes to mind, why do we practice what we like to consider simple acts of kindness? You may say it’s to make others feel good. Perhaps my allowing him to cross the bridge first did make the other driver feel good, but if that’s really why I chose to do so, then the follow-up question should be asked, why I like to make others feel good. I think most would answer this question similarly; making others feel good makes me feel good.
I’m just full of questions today. Would you continue to practice simple acts of kindness if the gratitude of others was never shown? In other words, would you still hold the door for someone even if they didn’t appreciate it, or if they failed to show their appreciation? Maybe the reason we feel good when we help others out is that we like the feeling of power it gives us. The wave of thanks we receive when we stop traffic in order to allow an old lady pull out of the roadside parking space in front of the bakery makes us feel good because we feel powerful in the sense that the wave indicates that we made the old lady feel good. “I made that old lady feel so thankful that she was compelled to express it to me,” says your subconscious. “I have power over her, and having power over others makes me feel good”.
I think the principle also works from the perspective of the old lady, or the guy I let pass on the bridge. The old lady’s subconscious is saying, “I know that if I give a wave of thanks, that guy who let me out will feel really good about himself, and I will have made him feel good. I’m powerful!”  Would she still express her thanks if there was a chance I wouldn’t appreciate the gesture, or if she knew I was likely not to see it? I’m reminded the scene from an episode of Seinfeld in which George drops a tip in a tip jar, but it goes unnoticed, so he attempts to take back the tip so he can drop it in again, so that this time the server will notice it.
Don’t become disillusioned with all of humanity though. It might seem like what I’m saying is that humans are only self interested and there is no genuine kindness in the world. As long as both the old lady who I let pull out of her parking space and I feel good about ourselves at the end of the interaction, what’s wrong with that?  So next time you have the opportunity to extend a simple courtesy to your fellow man, jump on the opportunity, and if one is extended to you, be sure to indicate your gratitude. Either way, you’ll walk away feeling powerful and fulfilled.

Friday 5 August 2011

Great Expectations*

It’s been almost a month since I last wrote a blog entry. I had been trying to write weekly, but I got busy.  Not that it wasn’t on my mind; at the end of every week, I would lament the passing of another seven days without dumping a little pile of my ramblings into the cyber landfill that is the internet. If I didn’t share my musings with the virtual world, who would?

I realize that there are probably very few people, if any, besides myself who have come to expect regular blog postings of me. Any pressure I felt to get back on the blogging wagon came only from me (and my mother). However, this got me thinking about expectations.

Our world doesn’t generally accept singular accomplishments. As soon as someone has accomplished an admirable task, created a beautiful work of art, made an entertaining movie or written a riveting novel, there seems to be an immediate expectation that they follow up with another act of equal or greater impression. Do you ever hear the term “one hit wonder” used in the positive connotation? Other than….maybe Jesus, we rarely hear someone’s praises being sung** for doing one great thing, and never doing anything else of note ever again.

Once someone has impressed us, we beg them to do it again; to give us an encore presentation. However, if their second attempt doesn’t adequately move us, rather than applauding the actor’s courage to present themselves to the world once more, most of us are quick to mumble under our breaths that “they should have quit while they were ahead”. On the other hand, when someone does decide to call it quits while they’re at the top of their game, we tend to condemn them for hoarding their talent, and refusing to share it with the rest of the world.

The sign near my house.


By no means am I innocent in this case. I find myself criticizing accomplished individuals on a regular basis for either producing something of a quality I consider to be below them, or for not producing enough product altogether. For example, there is a business near my house with a marquee-style sign along the roadside. Every week they display a different message; usually witty proverbs that make me chuckle. For instance, one week the sign read, “where there’s a will…there are 157 family members”, or another week it read, “teenagers are hard to raise…especially in the morning”. I always look forward to driving past this business on Monday morning to see what they’ve come up with for their sign***. Last week, prior to the long weekend, I found myself a little disappointed with their sign posting, for what I considered to be a lack of creativity. The sign read “have a safe Civic Holiday weekend”. Why was I being so unappreciative? Rather than condemn this business for failing to make me laugh on my way to and from work for one week, why wasn’t I cutting them some slack, and thanking them for all of the other weeks that they had added some humour to my daily commute, at no cost to me?

A quote by Eli Khamarov**** explains why our first experience with something is often the best. He says, “The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations”.



*I haven’t read the Charles Dickens book, but it’s on my personal reading list.....but don't expect me to get around to reading it right away!

** Jesus’ praises really are sung by followers around the world, especially on Sunday mornings.

***Okay, they probably don’t come up with what they put on their sign. I’m guessing they get their content from the internet….or am I being cynical and not giving enough credit?

****I have no idea who Eli Khamarov is. I just Googled “expectation quotes”. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on the sign people ˆ.